1
00:00:10,733 --> 00:00:11,800
Your pals found a package

2
00:00:11,833 --> 00:00:14,300
that belonged
to a coupla Degens
the other day.

3
00:00:14,333 --> 00:00:19,100
ALL: You're wrong, you're wrong
you're wrong.
WAYNE: Hey!

4
00:00:19,133 --> 00:00:21,200
Where was it?
Dollar Store parking lot.

5
00:00:21,233 --> 00:00:22,666
Tell him whose it was.

6
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:24,100
Soupy Campbell's
and Spider Creemanse's.

7
00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:25,533
KATY: Argh.

8
00:00:25,566 --> 00:00:26,666
Well, did you open it?

9
00:00:26,700 --> 00:00:28,800
Nope. Popped in right back
in the mailbox. Proper thing.

10
00:00:28,833 --> 00:00:30,133
Shoulda opened it.

11
00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:32,000
That just didn't feels right
on accounts that it wasn't ours.

12
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:34,633
Well, by the rules
of 'finders keepers,'
it was yours.

13
00:00:34,666 --> 00:00:35,533
So you shoulda opened it.

14
00:00:35,566 --> 00:00:37,233
Yeah, it was our guyses
by the rights.

15
00:00:37,266 --> 00:00:38,633
I begs to differ.

16
00:00:38,666 --> 00:00:41,000
Even though we founds it,
it was still technically
their guyses.

17
00:00:41,033 --> 00:00:43,033
It was yours, fair and square.

18
00:00:43,066 --> 00:00:44,333
With all dues respects,
Miss Katys,

19
00:00:44,366 --> 00:00:47,266
it was them fellowses,
just landed in our guyses
hands brieflys.

20
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,100
Hmm, I'm with Katy.

21
00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,566
It was our guyses.

22
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,300
And now we'll never know
what was in Soupy's
and Spider's package.

23
00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:54,800
That's what I said.

24
00:00:54,833 --> 00:00:55,966
Looks, I know what
you're thinking.

25
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,633
You're thinking,
"You guyses
let yer consciences

26
00:00:58,666 --> 00:01:00,633
"get in the way
of something that was
rightfully your guyses."

27
00:01:00,666 --> 00:01:02,633
And you might be right.
She's right.

28
00:01:02,666 --> 00:01:04,566
Their guyses loss
is our guyses gain.

29
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,133
There's something
not right here.

30
00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:08,800
Not pertaining
to whose package
it was, but just...

31
00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:10,233
like the English language
part of it

32
00:01:10,266 --> 00:01:12,033
You guys keep saying,
"Your guyses,"

33
00:01:12,066 --> 00:01:14,800
and "Our guyses,"
and "Them fellowhases."

34
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,633
Okay, just, 'kay,
you know what, 'kay,

35
00:01:19,666 --> 00:01:21,833
what say Katy and I
find a wallet.

36
00:01:21,866 --> 00:01:23,600
Whose wallet is it?

37
00:01:23,633 --> 00:01:25,133
Yours and Katyses.
No.

38
00:01:26,266 --> 00:01:28,666
Wayneses and Katy...ses.

39
00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:30,600
It's ours.
Correct.

40
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:32,133
Or Katy's and mine.

41
00:01:32,166 --> 00:01:34,300
You know what, it kinda chaps
my ass more than just a wee bit

42
00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:36,300
when people use big words
to sound smart.

43
00:01:36,333 --> 00:01:38,100
It's far more smart
and efficient

44
00:01:38,133 --> 00:01:39,300
to use small words.

45
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,266
Save your breath
for something more important,

46
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:43,133
like chorin' or toe curlin'.

47
00:01:43,166 --> 00:01:45,200
Hmm, especially toe curlin'.

48
00:01:45,233 --> 00:01:47,700
You know, I thinks I know
what you'res insinuating
at here, Wayne.

49
00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,133
And I want you to know
I take great solstice

50
00:01:49,166 --> 00:01:50,800
in working through all
the conflictions that come

51
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:52,066
from the King and Queens
language.

52
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:54,000
Shall I call you
an ambleance, Dan?

53
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:56,266
Or better yet, a whambleance?

54
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:57,933
The library has a lots
of choice literature

55
00:01:57,966 --> 00:01:59,566
to help through
your confliction, Dan.

56
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,600
Well, the lie‐berry's is full
of choice laterature.

57
00:02:01,633 --> 00:02:02,733
Irregardlessly...

58
00:02:04,033 --> 00:02:05,166
expresso.

59
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:09,000
Ooh, now that one's so wrong,
it might as well be right.

60
00:02:09,033 --> 00:02:10,266
In any event,

61
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:12,566
the decision on
what happens
to the package,

62
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,266
is Darylses,
and Danses,

63
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,233
not mine and Katyses.

64
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:19,000
But you did
the right thing, Dan.

65
00:02:19,033 --> 00:02:21,133
Well, thank you.
I appreciate yer support.

66
00:02:22,066 --> 00:02:22,866
Sssss.

67
00:02:25,033 --> 00:02:26,100
Hey, have you
ever seen that movie,

68
00:02:26,133 --> 00:02:27,866
There's Something About Mary?

69
00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:31,166
Bet you didn't know
they're making a Canadian
version. Yeah.

70
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,133
It's gonna be called,
There's Something About Marie.

71
00:02:33,166 --> 00:02:36,133
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)

72
00:02:45,033 --> 00:02:48,600
Guys by applause,
who agrees with me on this.

73
00:02:48,633 --> 00:02:50,566
Women are like cats.

74
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,600
Men are like dogs, right?

75
00:02:54,766 --> 00:02:56,066
Oh, yeah, case in point.

76
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:57,866
There's your waitress,
everyone.

77
00:02:57,900 --> 00:02:59,633
Meow.
(SLIGHT CLAPPING)

78
00:02:59,666 --> 00:03:01,000
MAN: Yeah, Bonnie.

79
00:03:01,033 --> 00:03:02,166
Don't forget the tip.

80
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,566
Actually, you should give her
more than just the tip,

81
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,900
tip her on her back
and smash her, yeah!

82
00:03:06,933 --> 00:03:07,866
(MAN BANGS TABLE) Oy!

83
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:10,166
How about I tip you
on your back and smash you

84
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,600
with a rusty rebar,

85
00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:13,033
until you apologize
to my sister,

86
00:03:13,066 --> 00:03:14,733
you shitty fuckin' citiot.

87
00:03:14,766 --> 00:03:16,200
I'll smash you too
that' all I know.

88
00:03:16,233 --> 00:03:19,033
Okay, what's your problem
tighty‐whitey?

89
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:22,700
Jeez, it's like Mr. Clean
shopped at Baby Gap, right?

90
00:03:22,733 --> 00:03:25,066
You're gonna be shopping
for a new suit at the morgue

91
00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:27,633
unless you take a log
off that fire, pussy!

92
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:28,800
(AUDIENCE CHUCKLING)

93
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:32,300
Yeah, all right, settle down,
Olaf from <i>Frozen.</i>

94
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:34,666
You forget that shirt
in the dryer for three years

95
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:37,766
and now, it's cutting off
all the oxygen to your brain.

96
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,133
Settle down,
you can breathe.

97
00:03:39,166 --> 00:03:40,833
Get the fuck
of the stage.

98
00:03:40,866 --> 00:03:42,800
CROWD: Yeah.

99
00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:43,900
Hey, hey, okay,

100
00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:45,533
here's one for ya, uh...

101
00:03:45,566 --> 00:03:48,533
why did the chicken cross
the road?
Why?

102
00:03:48,566 --> 00:03:50,200
To get the fuck out
of Letterkenny.

103
00:03:50,233 --> 00:03:51,833
This place fuckin' sucks!

104
00:03:51,866 --> 00:03:53,633
CROWD: Boo.

105
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:56,533
Oh, yeah. Nice. What am
I suddenly in LetterKenya?

106
00:03:56,566 --> 00:03:58,633
You guys run fast.

107
00:03:58,666 --> 00:04:00,133
Wow, I thought you guys
would appreciate that.

108
00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:01,766
It's racist,
just like you.

109
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,833
Okay! Thanks very much,
Letterkenny.
(CROWD BOOING)

110
00:04:04,866 --> 00:04:07,700
This has been
the exact opposite of fun.

111
00:04:07,733 --> 00:04:09,833
Too bad the show wasn't
in Betterkenny,

112
00:04:09,866 --> 00:04:12,266
'cause you guys
are the worst audience ever!

113
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:14,733
(CROWD BOOING)

114
00:04:14,766 --> 00:04:15,800
No, you suck.

115
00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:17,700
Here's some chicken,
funny man.

116
00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:19,133
What the fuck?

117
00:04:19,166 --> 00:04:21,233
MCMURRAY: This is a real place.
You think this is easy?

118
00:04:21,266 --> 00:04:24,033
Think it's so fuckin' easy.
Why don't you
try it yourselves?

119
00:04:27,833 --> 00:04:29,000
REILLY: What's up boys?

120
00:04:29,033 --> 00:04:30,100
What's up, tank top?

121
00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:32,200
Aw, looks like you guys
could use a bit of a tune‐up.

122
00:04:32,233 --> 00:04:34,566
Yeah, summer shape
is slip sliding away, boys.

123
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,000
You're letting yourselves go
a little bit, eh?

124
00:04:36,033 --> 00:04:37,600
Getting ready
for the SAG awards?

125
00:04:37,633 --> 00:04:39,666
Hmm, you two are going
to be the rollsiest, pollsiest,

126
00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:41,566
Letterkenny Irish
ever seen boys.

127
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,533
Rollsiest of
the pollsiest,
ferda.

128
00:04:43,566 --> 00:04:45,033
What are you
fuckin' blind?

129
00:04:45,066 --> 00:04:46,633
The fuck are you smoking boys?

130
00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:48,100
Looks like you buys
can use some cross‐fit.

131
00:04:48,133 --> 00:04:49,000
That's squat's up.

132
00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:52,066
Wait, you dick farmers
work here, now?

133
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,033
Oh, more like
Celebrity Endorsers.

134
00:04:54,066 --> 00:04:55,733
Get the Celebrity Endorphins
going.

135
00:04:55,766 --> 00:04:57,933
Celebrity Enforcers.
Uppin' memberships,

136
00:04:57,966 --> 00:04:59,066
droppin' shoulder dips.

137
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:00,533
Gettin' yolked boys?

138
00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:01,766
REILLY:
You guys want a free trial?

139
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,233
We put the abs in
absolutely free.

140
00:05:04,266 --> 00:05:06,866
Full body workout,
abso‐glutely, bro.

141
00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:07,966
Crunch and munch, boys.

142
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,133
Crunch then brunch, boys.

143
00:05:09,166 --> 00:05:10,666
Play the cards
you're dealt.

144
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:12,566
Chuckin' tires
and muscle fires, boys.

145
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:13,666
It'a cardio day.

146
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:14,800
BOTH: Fuck cardio.

147
00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,700
Why would we get
training from you?

148
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,200
You look like
our before pictures.

149
00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,033
Squat's the matter,
are you chicken?

150
00:05:20,066 --> 00:05:22,266
(BOTH SQUAWKING)

151
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,066
MCMURRAY: Wayne...
WAYNE AND MCMURRAY:
How'r you...

152
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:33,600
MCMURRAY: We're good, man.
Not so bad.

153
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:34,700
Look, I'm getting real sick...
MCMURRAY: One time...

154
00:05:35,166 --> 00:05:36,266
You go...

155
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,166
Get after it.
All right. Ahem.

156
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,833
The lovely Mrs. McMurray and I
have been doing some very
serious thinking.

157
00:05:42,966 --> 00:05:44,600
Maybe we should
try it ourselves.

158
00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:45,666
Stand up comedy?

159
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:46,766
Or something similar.

160
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:47,966
Well, to be fair...

161
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,133
(SINGING) To be fair...

162
00:05:49,166 --> 00:05:54,733
(ALL SINGING) To be fair.

163
00:05:54,766 --> 00:05:57,733
To be fair, it's likely
pretty tough sledding up there,
for a stand‐up comedian.

164
00:05:57,766 --> 00:05:59,133
That comedian was a joke.

165
00:05:59,166 --> 00:06:01,033
(LAUGHING)

166
00:06:01,066 --> 00:06:02,700
Well that's a good one,
big hos.

167
00:06:02,733 --> 00:06:04,866
Thank yous.
Let me put it
this way, okay,

168
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:08,100
I was this close to making
that stand‐up comic

169
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,100
a lie‐down comic.

170
00:06:10,866 --> 00:06:11,900
I don't get it.

171
00:06:11,933 --> 00:06:13,200
Well, I'm just saying that

172
00:06:13,233 --> 00:06:15,166
I was thinking about
whoopin' his ass

173
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,900
and so I imagined

174
00:06:16,933 --> 00:06:18,733
he would have been
lying down had I done that.

175
00:06:18,766 --> 00:06:20,233
Well, see there you go,
point and proof

176
00:06:20,266 --> 00:06:22,200
you're up there trying
to be funny like a nut sack,

177
00:06:22,233 --> 00:06:24,066
if nobody gets your shit,
you're hooped like him.

178
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:26,900
So...
So can confirm it's pretty
tough sleddin' up there

179
00:06:26,933 --> 00:06:28,166
for a stand‐up comedian.

180
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,266
Ah, okay. I get it.

181
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,533
Could use a little work.

182
00:06:31,566 --> 00:06:33,600
Point for test‐driving it
though.

183
00:06:33,633 --> 00:06:35,033
In any event...
In any event...

184
00:06:35,066 --> 00:06:37,966
In any event, we should
host our own talent show.

185
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:39,933
That's not a bad idea.

186
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,200
How're we gonna get
the word out?

187
00:06:41,233 --> 00:06:43,600
Ah, you can put it
on your fuckin' Facebooks,
likely.

188
00:06:43,633 --> 00:06:46,533
And whos will be preforming
at this events?

189
00:06:46,566 --> 00:06:47,800
Who wouldn't,
that's the question.

190
00:06:47,833 --> 00:06:49,266
The fuck else is there
to do around here.

191
00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:52,133
Jimmy Dickens should host.
So we just need judges
and a few more acts.

192
00:06:52,166 --> 00:06:54,766
Well, I'll judge
and so will he.
Why?

193
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,100
ALL: Born to judge, bud.

194
00:06:56,133 --> 00:06:57,600
All right.
There's our judges.

195
00:06:57,633 --> 00:06:58,800
Now we just need
a few more acts.

196
00:06:58,833 --> 00:07:01,733
Would you be needing
a joke smith for this
esteems affair?

197
00:07:01,766 --> 00:07:05,133
'Cause I've always
wanted to try my hand
at stands ups comedy.

198
00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:08,200
And I've often wondered
how those courageous souls
makes it work.

199
00:07:08,233 --> 00:07:10,200
Salt of the earth people,
stand up comedians.

200
00:07:11,666 --> 00:07:12,933
For the most part.
You're in.

201
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,900
That leaves you, Daryl.

202
00:07:15,933 --> 00:07:19,833
Got any special talent
you'd like to share
with the class?

203
00:07:19,866 --> 00:07:21,666
Oh, I don't know.

204
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:23,300
I'd be half scared
to get up there.

205
00:07:23,333 --> 00:07:25,966
That means you'd
be half excited too.

206
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,100
Well, we could make first prize

207
00:07:28,133 --> 00:07:31,600
$100 bar tab at MoDean's
if that colors the water
any different for you.

208
00:07:31,633 --> 00:07:32,633
He's in.

209
00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:35,166
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.

210
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,633
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.

211
00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:37,866
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.

212
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:38,900
Good stuff.

213
00:07:44,066 --> 00:07:45,700
Wayne?
Dary?

214
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:46,800
What'd you get me into?

215
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,766
It's time to get back
on the horse, bud.
Oh, no.

216
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,966
No, I took that horse out
the back side of the barn.

217
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,800
Put her down for good.
And for good reason.

218
00:07:53,833 --> 00:07:55,366
Are you forgettin' where you
come from?

219
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,533
'Cause it sounds to me
like you're forgettin'
where you come from.

220
00:07:57,566 --> 00:07:58,800
Are you forgettin' your roots?

221
00:07:58,833 --> 00:08:01,266
Your line‐dancing lineage
is legendary.

222
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:03,566
You will find
no finer liners, Dary.

223
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:04,966
Aunt Doreen made it
to sectionals.

224
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,233
I was not given that gift.

225
00:08:06,266 --> 00:08:08,000
Aunt Doreen could
have gone to provincials.

226
00:08:08,033 --> 00:08:09,333
Some say she could have
gone to regionals.

227
00:08:09,366 --> 00:08:11,800
If she had lived
in the States, she would
have gone to state.

228
00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:13,600
Oh, how she'd
have won state.

229
00:08:13,633 --> 00:08:15,066
She'd a took state.

230
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:16,766
If it hadn't have been for...
She didn't have the...

231
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,166
If it weren't for the...
ALL: ...bum leg.

232
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,266
Buerger's disease.

233
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,166
Was it Buerger's?
Yes.

234
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,333
Buergers.

235
00:08:23,366 --> 00:08:25,666
Didn't she get treated
at the Mayo Clinic?
Yes.

236
00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:27,833
She got her Buerger's
treated with mayo.

237
00:08:27,866 --> 00:08:29,800
Did she do that to ketchup
to the competition?

238
00:08:30,733 --> 00:08:32,766
Did she ketchup?
Yes.

239
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,566
And despite her Buerger's,

240
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,066
she never beefed with anyone.

241
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,700
She relished a challenge.

242
00:08:37,733 --> 00:08:39,633
That was a challenge
that she relished.

243
00:08:39,666 --> 00:08:41,066
Mustard up the courage.

244
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,966
She worked her buns off.

245
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,966
She worked the buns
off her Buergers.

246
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,200
No cheesy moves.
Lettuce all be inspired by her.

247
00:08:48,233 --> 00:08:50,600
She lettuce.
No hot‐dogging.

248
00:08:50,633 --> 00:08:51,733
Just Beurgers.

249
00:08:51,766 --> 00:08:52,800
The point is,

250
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,033
if Aunt Doreen can do
all that with a gouty gam,

251
00:08:55,066 --> 00:08:57,100
you sure as shit
can line dance in Letterkenny.

252
00:08:57,133 --> 00:08:58,700
I guess you're right.

253
00:08:58,733 --> 00:09:00,933
If Aunt Doreen can do it
with a shitty stick,

254
00:09:00,966 --> 00:09:03,800
then I can probably get up
on stage at the talent show

255
00:09:03,833 --> 00:09:06,600
for Aunt Doreen.
The thing is, I just

256
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,133
wished I had
your guyses
confidence.

257
00:09:09,066 --> 00:09:10,200
Or Fred Astaire's.

258
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,933
‐es.

259
00:09:12,966 --> 00:09:15,566
Hey, guys,
I was over at Gailers.
How's Gailer?

260
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,700
You know, usual.
Upbeat and horny.

261
00:09:19,566 --> 00:09:21,133
Who's your guys favorite
stand up comedians?

262
00:09:21,166 --> 00:09:22,300
Mark Forward.

263
00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:24,166
Dave Chappelle.
Steven Wright.

264
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,633
Why?
Who's yours?

265
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,100
Oh, big fella.
Hell of a storyteller.

266
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:30,900
Handsome as the day
is long. Can't remember
his name though.

267
00:09:30,933 --> 00:09:32,133
Good guy?
Great guy.

268
00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:34,700
I'm glad to hear
he's a good guy, at least.
Anywho...

269
00:09:34,733 --> 00:09:37,266
I was wondering if I could
get your guyses opinions
on something.

270
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,733
Okay.
I've been working on
my stand up act.

271
00:09:39,766 --> 00:09:42,000
My style's going to be
observationals comedy.

272
00:09:42,033 --> 00:09:44,900
Pretty much I'm just going
to make observations about
days‐to‐day life.

273
00:09:44,933 --> 00:09:46,600
You wants to hear one?
Sure.

274
00:09:46,633 --> 00:09:47,933
All right.

275
00:09:47,966 --> 00:09:50,033
Did yous ever notice

276
00:09:50,066 --> 00:09:53,933
when you goes
to the gas station
and there's a line up

277
00:09:53,966 --> 00:09:56,600
you always picks
which vehicles
to waits behind and,

278
00:09:56,633 --> 00:09:58,700
and the other fellas whats
you didn't get behind

279
00:09:58,733 --> 00:10:00,233
is always done first?

280
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,566
Always happens every time.

281
00:10:02,566 --> 00:10:03,666
Kind of makes a fella wonder.

282
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,066
Don't it?

283
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:09,100
Yeah, that's
a choice observation,
Squirrely Dan.

284
00:10:09,133 --> 00:10:11,833
Yeah, that happens sometimes.

285
00:10:11,866 --> 00:10:12,833
All right. All right.

286
00:10:12,866 --> 00:10:16,833
Let me try's another one.
Did you ever notice

287
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:20,933
you're at the grocery store
and you picks a cart what
with to do shopping with,

288
00:10:20,966 --> 00:10:24,033
you always seem to grabs
the one that got
the squeaky wheel.

289
00:10:24,066 --> 00:10:26,700
It almost happens
every single time,
every time.

290
00:10:26,733 --> 00:10:27,933
Kind of makes a fella wonder...

291
00:10:29,066 --> 00:10:31,300
don't it?
Yeah.

292
00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:34,066
Yeah, I just needs to cook up
a few more of these,
and I'm in business.

293
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:38,000
Yeah, yous never know.

294
00:10:38,033 --> 00:10:39,866
You're letting gravity
win these days, boys.

295
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:41,733
No more man cans.
No more puddin' pecs.

296
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:42,933
No ifs, ands or guts.

297
00:10:42,966 --> 00:10:44,833
So, let's gut going.

298
00:10:44,866 --> 00:10:46,666
First things first,
you're gonna
reach your arm up

299
00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:48,166
as high as it will go
touch that ceiling.

300
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,933
Higher than Ariana Grande
doing a Mariah Carey cover.

301
00:10:50,966 --> 00:10:52,733
I told you, it's cardio day.

302
00:10:52,766 --> 00:10:54,166
BOTH: Fuck cardio.

303
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,200
Goddamn it.

304
00:10:57,033 --> 00:10:58,966
Gotta crack a snappy
for the Winstagram, buddy.

305
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,866
Yeah, couple of pickies
for the chickies.

306
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,533
JONESY: Gymstagram, bro.

307
00:11:02,566 --> 00:11:04,266
REILLY: Instapicks, instachicks.

308
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:06,166
Gotta provide people
with proof you're
pressin' pounds,

309
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:10,933
otherwise
what's the point?
Am I right?

310
00:11:11,266 --> 00:11:12,900
(CROWD APPLAUDING)

311
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:22,533
Welcome Letterkenny,
to the first ever
Letterkenny Talent Show.

312
00:11:22,566 --> 00:11:23,433
Round of Applause.

313
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:27,766
How many people
are we looking at here?

314
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,466
We got 20 little people
over here. We're looking at
25, 25 little, lotta people

315
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,600
lookin' away. Lookin' 25,
we got 30 little people
over here.

316
00:11:32,633 --> 00:11:34,966
Doop, dee, doop, dee, dee
doop do theme song.

317
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,900
Let's check in with our judges
to see what they're looking for.

318
00:11:37,933 --> 00:11:39,500
First up is Katy.

319
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:46,633
Hey, Jim, um...

320
00:11:46,666 --> 00:11:50,500
You know, I guess I'm just
looking for something that
I've never seen before.

321
00:11:50,533 --> 00:11:54,033
This is hour opportunity,
Letterkenny. Tonight it's
your stage.

322
00:11:54,066 --> 00:11:57,533
Couldn't have said it
better myself, if I tried,
5‐6‐7 times,

323
00:11:57,566 --> 00:12:00,033
how about 8?
Okay, I'll take 8.
How about 9 times?

324
00:12:00,066 --> 00:12:02,833
Now we're looking at 10 times.
How many times should
I have tried before I died,

325
00:12:02,866 --> 00:12:05,166
maybe 13.

326
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,033
Last up is Wayne.
What are you lookin to see
here, tonight, Wayne?

327
00:12:08,066 --> 00:12:10,366
Don't fuck it up, bud.
There you have it.

328
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:14,200
(CROWD APPLAUDING)

329
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,866
Well, it's time for
our first act of the night.

330
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:20,166
Here to perform a monologue
from her favorite movie,

331
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,400
Gladiator. It's Gail.

332
00:12:28,366 --> 00:12:29,900
I do apologize.

333
00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:32,366
This is a monologue
from Gladiator,

334
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,466
"XXX Glad‐he‐ate‐her."

335
00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:46,066
Lingus, you barbarian.

336
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,466
Let your Italian hands,

337
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:51,333
Rome all over my body.

338
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,500
(GRUNTS)

339
00:12:53,533 --> 00:12:56,833
You're such a gifted orator.

340
00:12:57,966 --> 00:12:59,566
Unsheathe your sword.

341
00:13:00,266 --> 00:13:02,066
I implore you.

342
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:04,566
Spare me you dick‐

343
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:06,600
tator.

344
00:13:06,633 --> 00:13:11,033
Oh, I'm about to Climaximus.

345
00:13:11,066 --> 00:13:13,300
Oh, oh, what

346
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:17,200
we do in life echoes
in eterni‐tittiees.

347
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:18,566
Ah! Oh.

348
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:19,933
(SOUNDS BUZZER)

349
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,466
Well, that was bang on.

350
00:13:24,933 --> 00:13:26,133
Even better than the movie.

351
00:13:26,633 --> 00:13:27,966
Thanks.

352
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,100
(CLAPPING)

353
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:32,833
This one's for you, Barbara.

354
00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:37,933
(PLAYING UKULELE)

355
00:13:43,066 --> 00:13:46,500
(SINGING) ♪ Love is a feelin'

356
00:13:50,166 --> 00:13:57,000
♪ That goes deeper with time

357
00:13:57,033 --> 00:14:00,233
♪ From the first whisper
In the morning ♪

358
00:14:00,266 --> 00:14:01,466
(MAN COUGHING)

359
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:05,900
Want me to start over?

360
00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:10,433
(MAN IN AUDIENCE COUGHING)

361
00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:22,833
Sneezus Christ,
Ebisneezer Scrooge!

362
00:14:22,866 --> 00:14:26,000
What! Somebody got a life
threatening dissneeze out there!

363
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,466
Huh?

364
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,466
We finally got some class
up here after Gail's little
strip sneeze

365
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:32,433
and then now look what happens!

366
00:14:32,466 --> 00:14:33,900
Look at it!

367
00:14:33,933 --> 00:14:36,866
God, am I speaking
Canton‐sneeze up here!

368
00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:39,233
Do I need to get down
on my sneeze and beg?

369
00:14:39,266 --> 00:14:41,833
Huh? You take that garbage

370
00:14:41,866 --> 00:14:46,566
over‐sneezeand order yourself
some Chi‐sneeze cuisine,

371
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:50,566
before I go Hercu‐sneeze
up your asshole.

372
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,400
Carpi diem. Sneeze the day.

373
00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:55,833
Yes!

374
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,300
It's fuckin' embarrassing.

375
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:03,566
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

376
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,200
GLEN: Now I know you all know
the Salty Treats.

377
00:15:06,233 --> 00:15:09,266
We got together
and formed ourselves
a Christian post alt‐rock

378
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:12,200
emo super band.
And we are called...

379
00:15:12,966 --> 00:15:14,200
My Tattered Journal.

380
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,833
(SINGING)
♪ I wanna be close to Christ

381
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:29,100
♪ Why, n... why

382
00:15:30,533 --> 00:15:34,166
♪ I wanna be close to Christ

383
00:15:35,066 --> 00:15:36,500
♪ And why...

384
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,000
♪ N'why...

385
00:15:40,133 --> 00:15:41,600
Is he singin'...?
Yeah.

386
00:15:41,633 --> 00:15:43,566
♪ Touch me...

387
00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:46,233
♪ Is it Christ?

388
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,500
♪ Oh why?

389
00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:52,333
♪ And I will touch me...

390
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,866
♪ Is it Christ?

391
00:15:56,566 --> 00:15:59,233
♪ Oh why? Oh, why?

392
00:15:59,266 --> 00:16:01,366
♪ Oh, why, oh why?

393
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,466
♪ Oh, why, oh, why, oh, why? ♪

394
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,966
(BUZZES)

395
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:07,500
Cut.

396
00:16:08,266 --> 00:16:09,600
Glen?
What?

397
00:16:09,633 --> 00:16:13,533
I was just wondering,
where exactly do you want
Wayne to touch you?

398
00:16:13,566 --> 00:16:14,600
Where do I wan...

399
00:16:14,633 --> 00:16:16,133
Where do I want
Wayne to touch...

400
00:16:16,166 --> 00:16:17,500
My spirit.

401
00:16:17,533 --> 00:16:18,866
What else would I mean?

402
00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:20,566
Well...
Don't answer that.

403
00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:24,133
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

404
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:27,133
(SCREAMING)

405
00:16:58,566 --> 00:16:59,566
(BUZZES)

406
00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:05,600
What the actual fuck
was that Stewart?

407
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:09,466
Scream therapy juxtaposed
against self‐expression
from the streets.

408
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,133
You've just witnessed
the new genre of dance

409
00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:14,933
that's about to slit through
the Saudi‐Samoan, Estonian,
Scandinavian, Istanbullian

410
00:17:14,966 --> 00:17:19,400
Sri Lankan, Swiss, Saharan,
Southern State sub underground
city streets!

411
00:17:20,233 --> 00:17:21,233
It's called...

412
00:17:22,233 --> 00:17:23,266
(YELLS)

413
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,133
...ache dancing.

414
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,366
And now, for our second set.

415
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,366
(BUZZING)

416
00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:36,433
(SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING)

417
00:17:39,033 --> 00:17:42,366
SANTA: Oh, you're a little
rascal, aren't you, little girl.

418
00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:46,566
Oh, oh, am I in twouble Santa?

419
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:50,100
(SEXUALLY) I've been a really
good girl, this year.

420
00:17:50,133 --> 00:17:51,533
(BOTH SEXUALLY GRUNTING)

421
00:17:51,566 --> 00:17:54,466
SANTA: Uh, you've been
a naughty girl.
(MRS. MCMURRAY SQUEALS)

422
00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:56,866
You need a bare bum
spanking like this.

423
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:58,566
MRS. MCMURRAY: No! No.
SANTA: yes, yes,

424
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,200
you've been naughty.
You have been so naughty.

425
00:18:02,233 --> 00:18:05,033
You little (MUMBLING) thing.

426
00:18:05,066 --> 00:18:06,866
...and bury my jingle balls.
(BUZZES)

427
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:08,600
What the fuck, Wayne!

428
00:18:08,633 --> 00:18:09,833
These costumes weren't cheap.

429
00:18:09,866 --> 00:18:12,900
Doing you a favor before
you had to get 'em dry cleaned.

430
00:18:12,933 --> 00:18:15,533
Well, we're still gonna
need 'em dry cleaned, don't
you worry. (LAUGHS)

431
00:18:15,566 --> 00:18:17,466
... in a little role‐playing
isn't it baby...

432
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:19,200
(BUZZING)

433
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:24,800
(UPBEAT GYM MUSIC PLAYING)

434
00:18:25,866 --> 00:18:26,966
Hi, snipers.

435
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,866
Who squat, when, where,
why, snippies?

436
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,266
Cardio day.

437
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,366
BOTH: Fuck, cardio.

438
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,266
So you think that
we could get
some training?

439
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:37,066
Oh, for sure. The most
important thing
is to get a high angle.

440
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:39,166
It makes your eyes pop
and your eyebrow game
on point.

441
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,933
You ladies
know your angles?

442
00:18:40,966 --> 00:18:43,566
If you don't provide people
with proof that you're pressing
pounds, what's the point?

443
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:47,366
I meant cross‐fit training.
From them.

444
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,533
I mean, yeah, sure,
if you want to start
with beginners.

445
00:18:49,566 --> 00:18:51,533
Dip your toe
in the water
before you commit?

446
00:18:51,566 --> 00:18:53,100
Start soft, makes sense.

447
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,000
Those fellas will show
you the ropes, literally.

448
00:18:58,166 --> 00:18:59,400
REILLY:
More satisfied customers, buddy.

449
00:18:59,433 --> 00:19:01,833
See what happens when
we work the celebrity
endorphins, buddy?

450
00:19:01,866 --> 00:19:03,066
REILLY: Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

451
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,533
Appies and ales,
wheelin' some tails.

452
00:19:04,566 --> 00:19:06,466
You bet.
BOTH: Ninja dust.

453
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,166
(CROWD LAUGHING)
Oh, calm down, everybody.
Calm down.

454
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,833
Now did, did you ever notice...

455
00:19:14,866 --> 00:19:18,100
lineups at the Dollar Store
is gettin' longer. Like, I just
stopped in there to get

456
00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:21,033
a candy bar the other day.
I'm stuck waitin' three hours
behind Mrs. Henderson

457
00:19:21,066 --> 00:19:22,500
buying a whole kitchen sink.

458
00:19:22,533 --> 00:19:23,900
(CROWD LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

459
00:19:23,933 --> 00:19:25,233
MAN: It's true.

460
00:19:25,266 --> 00:19:26,300
Kinda makes a fella wonder.

461
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,000
Don't it?

462
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,533
Did you ever notice...

463
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,433
overalls don't breathe
very good.

464
00:19:37,466 --> 00:19:39,500
I get so hot out this summer
I'm afraid I'm gonna steam

465
00:19:39,533 --> 00:19:40,533
the wrinkles
out of my ball sack.

466
00:19:41,466 --> 00:19:43,533
(MAN SHOUTING)

467
00:19:43,566 --> 00:19:44,833
Kinda makes a fella wonder.

468
00:19:46,966 --> 00:19:48,100
I like when he does that.

469
00:19:48,133 --> 00:19:49,900
Don't it?

470
00:19:49,933 --> 00:19:52,033
Oh, and did yous ever notice,

471
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,433
Glen over here
is wearing his glasses again.

472
00:19:54,466 --> 00:19:55,900
What's the matter
over there Glen?

473
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:57,166
You got poor eyesights?

474
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,933
Dan, I sure do.

475
00:19:58,966 --> 00:20:01,833
Last winter, Gail got me Lasik,
but it didn't take, so...

476
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,033
I didn't say it was your fault.

477
00:20:05,066 --> 00:20:06,566
I didn't ask you
for your life story, Glens.

478
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,266
(CROWD LAUGHING)

479
00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:09,366
But it kinda makes
a fella wonder...

480
00:20:11,066 --> 00:20:12,100
Don't it?

481
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,533
Thank you everybody
that's my time.

482
00:20:14,566 --> 00:20:16,200
(CROWD CHEERING)

483
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,500
Judges, a few...

484
00:20:21,533 --> 00:20:24,366
a few thoughts on Dan's act.
I thought it was good, good,
good, so good, we're looking

485
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:29,200
at great, so great, we're
talking about unbelievable
making me laugh. Katy?

486
00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:32,166
Well, it was observational,
as billed.

487
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,933
Funny, 'cause it's true,
I guess.

488
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,200
Overall, not s'bad.

489
00:20:37,233 --> 00:20:39,333
Thank you, Miss. Katys.
I appreciates your assessment.

490
00:20:39,366 --> 00:20:41,033
(LAUGHING) Appreciate it.

491
00:20:41,066 --> 00:20:42,800
Wayne.
Well...

492
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:45,600
Well, I liked it because

493
00:20:45,633 --> 00:20:48,833
what I see, I understand.

494
00:20:48,866 --> 00:20:50,533
Whereas everything else
I've seen today

495
00:20:51,466 --> 00:20:53,300
I don't understand.

496
00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:56,033
I guess that makes you
the fella to beat,
Squirrely Dan.

497
00:20:56,066 --> 00:20:57,166
(CROWD CHEERING)

498
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,533
Hot dog.

499
00:20:59,566 --> 00:21:01,233
I don't know
what that means,
it's probably not this,

500
00:21:01,266 --> 00:21:02,266
but this was super easy.

501
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:04,366
DAN: You do sinkers
and you tells people about it.

502
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,033
Have a good night.
GLEN: Yay, for Dan.

503
00:21:06,066 --> 00:21:07,500
Yay for Dan.

504
00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:10,166
Time for our final act
at the Met this evening.

505
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:14,200
This gentlemen comes
from a long, long line
of line dancers

506
00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:17,466
and tonight he's here
to dance for you.

507
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,966
Let's hear it for Daryl.

508
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,933
(CROWD CLAPPING)

509
00:21:22,966 --> 00:21:25,833
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

510
00:21:58,233 --> 00:22:01,166
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

511
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,066
( SWAMP THING PLAYING)

512
00:22:19,933 --> 00:22:21,133
KATY: He's losing it.

513
00:22:21,166 --> 00:22:23,533
WAYNE: All for show offs
up there. Hang on there,
good buddy.

514
00:23:25,633 --> 00:23:26,900
Fuck cardio.

515
00:23:30,633 --> 00:23:32,366
( SWAMP THING CONTINUES)